A common word, yet so unique in itself. Everyone thinks that darkness just means the absence of light, even I used to think that, but what I was experiencing now seemed to be much, much more. It was hard to describe, even harder to comprehend. It was like the whole world ceased to exist and my existence was in such a place where there was no time and space. Nothing was to be felt, yet, for the first time in years, I felt myself. When my mind had nowhere to look, it diverted it’s attention and focus to what was inside of it. I was flooded with my memories, my emotions were like a rapid gust of wind. Anger, ecstasy, sadness, happiness, you name any emotion and I was feeling it. Yet in all this obscurity the only thing that brought me clarity was her. Her thoughts had a strange effect on me. I felt like I was high and euphoric. This feeling, it grew so much that it seemed to conquer my own body, my soul, even my own existence. It is not true that when you die your life flashes before your eyes, but you see only the memories which are a part of you. Like a traveler leaving his destination, you look upon what you’re leaving in this world with sadness, knowing that you have to move on, leave what’s behind and anticipate what lay ahead.
For me, the only thing I was leaving behind that I valued, was her. I couldn’t name a single thing at that moment that I called mine, but her. It was not a matter of possession yet a matter of expression, for my identity expressed itself truly in her.
As I was feeling what had to be felt, the black shroud broke in an instant and light pierced its way into my eyes.
“He’s back. Give me 5cc of epinephrine and keep intubating him”
I was in what appeared to be the interior of an ambulance. There were two guys in blue and they seemed in a hurry. As I moved my head, I felt a stinging pain in my neck. That’s when I noticed a tube sticking out of my windpipe. One of the guys was squeezing a balloon like thingy and apparently that was the only way I could breathe. The other one stuck a needle in my thigh and injected a clear liquid into it. This was all too much for me so I closed my eyes to return to the abyss, but it wasn’t the same.